Mud

Well, February sure snuck up on me! I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks that either. I’ve had all these hopes of doing a better job of planning out blog posts and delivering you guys more content, but I’ve come to realize that it makes more sense to type when I have something to share instead of it being forced.

And today, I have something to share.

I have found a church.

I had a lot on my plate while my Dad was sick. I became:

• A case manager for him and his health
• A financial advisor to ensure his bills were paid
• A reporter who shared his journey with family and friends
• A confidant who listened to his ups and downs without judgment and in total secrecy

I also ended a tumultuous relationship and relocated myself and my dog.

To say I had a lot on my plate was an understatement, and although the plate is not overflowing any longer it’s still pretty full.

I was searching for something. I didn’t know what it was but I needed something in my life that was bigger than me.

I found it. Oh boy did I find it.

I started going to a local church – not a traditional one by any means, but more of a modern life coach-type of church that has completely rocked my world.

I’m not going to get all Godly on you. That’s just not my style. But I do have to share something that really hit home for me this morning.

At the close of each Sunday, they put the day’s service in podcast form for those who were unable to attend in-person. So, I’ve been catching up on some previous topics during my work week commute.

Today’s was about Jesus helping a blind man to see.

A blind man approached Jesus and his disciples. He’s been blind since birth. Immediately, the thoughts came about as to whose fault it was that the man could not see. Who sinned so bad that his eyesight was taken from me. 

In other words, what did I do so wrong in life that I had to watch my father die (and continue to replay him coding in that oncologist office. Every. Day.) and lost someone I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with? What one action or event can I point blame on for all that bad things that happened to me in 2017?

Jesus spits in the dirt and turned it to mud, then wiped it on the man’s eyes and told him to go wash up (this is the Cliffs Notes version folks). In turn, he was able to see. 

In other words, I drowned last year. It felt like I played one of those dizzy games where you chug a beer and then spin, head-down on top of a baseball bat and try to run in a straight line. That’s literally what my year felt like.

My sight was taken from me. My hope. My grace. My motivation. My ambition. I was literally blind to everything. The mud piled on and piled on and I began to gain hope that things would eventually turn around.

I’m not saying I’ve cleaned yet. The mud is still there, at times thicker than others, but I finally feel like the water is turned on and the soap is in reach.

2016 was a tough one. I’ve said it many times and I’ll continue to say it. But, it’s turning out that 2017 is tough for others – and unfortunately, we’re not even through the first quarter of the year.

Church is it for me. It’s the healing that I’ve been searching for and the guidance that I’ve so desperately be craving. But, it’s not for everyone.

Find your thing. Research, Google search, ask around, call up doctors – do whatever you need to in order to find your thing.

Just don’t give up. 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And when you finally see it, it’ll be worth the wait.