Thankful

November is a time for thanks. Always has been and always will be. But using the Thanksgiving holiday to share what I’m thankful for just didn’t seem right to me. 

I’m thankful that my Dad and I were able to mend years of a rocky relationship in 4 months, but I wish I had more time to fix things. 

I’m thankful that I ended a relationship that was more toxic than loving, but I wish I had the guts to do it months prior to when I actually did. 

I’m thankful that my Mom and Stepdad took me into their home during the worst few months of the worst time of my life, but regretful that I’m not standing on my own two feet at age 31 years with a pup tagging along. 

2016 has not been a fun one for me. But, it was sure a year of growth.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been focused on other people. Making sure others had what they needed to feel secure, to feel happy, and to feel whole. And in doing that, I’ve allowed myself to get to a point where I feel battered, bruised, and broken. 

Ok, maybe that’s a bit harsh. But, I finally see that it’s ok to be selfish and to focus all of your time and energy on yourself. 

After all, who else is going to love you like you love you? 

December will be a time of change. It will be the one month in year of 2016 where I live my life the way I want to live it, with whoever makes my soul sing and my face hurt from laughing. It will be a month where I focus on my health and the balance between good for me and bad for me. And it will be a month where I look 2016 in the face and give it the finger, shouting from the rooftops that I’m not messin’ around anymore. 

2017 though, that’s going to be the year of big change. That’s going to be the year that shit gets real. 

Visions will be defined. Action steps will be put in place. Goals will be reached. And I will allow myself to be completely happy with no strings attached. 

To just be. 

I’m not going to go into it too much now, but I’m accepting my grief. The fact that I am human enough to have loved as much as I did/do and to feel this pain in my heart speaks wonders to me. The human body is an incredible thing, and emotions truly do wonders to your body – both in a positive and a negative sense. 

I have so much to share on my experiences throughout this year, and specifically the last few months. I am so thankful and grateful that you guys still come here to read my thoughts. And I do hope you stick around, because there is much more coming.